Home

What defines home?

I always felt a bit trapped growing up because I knew I didn't belong there. And my first year of college was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I was miserable at my school most of the time, but "home" wasn't back east anymore.

But when I moved here, started school in LA, I knew I had found my true home. A year and a half later I'm back to feeling lost and alone again, and wondering if I can get through these next few semesters.

It's been a rough fall. I've lost quite a few "friends" because I spoke up about something I felt was wrong, and said some things, that while I stand by every one of them, were harsh. I know I was right, I was standing up for a friend, and I was honest about my personal feelings about someone. But the people who should have backed me up, backed off. And I took the blame for a lot of things I didn't do or say because I was an easy target.

I've never missed my team more than in these last few months. And I've never questioned the people in my life quite as much as I do now. What kills me is I shut people out because others pushed me to, and told me things that I now have no way of knowing if they really happened.

A lot of bridges have been burned, some I'm happy about and glad to be seperated from, others I wish I could take back.

Starting Over

No, I'm not revamping my life in some big way or anything, I'm starting this blog over.

You see, I created this for a school project, but now I think it may have some merits on it's own. I don't do facebook statuses, too whiny and too many people see them. I don't want my twitter to be a point of complaining and cryptic messages. I want to tell the world what's wrong, and I want to explain.

It's been a pretty shitty few months. And I need a place to talk about that. To talk about how I'm feeling. Maybe no one will ever read these posts. I'm okay with that. This isn't for anyone but me. If I want to share with people close to me I will, but that time will come. For now, this is my therapy, my sounding board, my space.

I usually journal but I haven't done much of that recently. I'm not sure why, but this feels right for the moment in my life.

So welcome. I will whine, I will sound depressed, and odds are it will mane nothing to anyone but me. But I don't write when I'm happy, I don't need to write in those moments.

So I know I don't use this much these days.. I'm working on it..BUT I had to share this.

SuperCoolAgency is having a contest in which once she loses, a UCLA student will have to wear a USC shirt- in the student section- to tomorrow's game.

Help the Trojans win by following the link and adding points to the Trojan total!


FIGHT ON!
BEAT THE BRUINS

http://supercoolcreative.com/usc-ucla

Moving on (For Now)

Today was the last day of my internship and I have to say there is a lot I will miss and a lot I'm looking forward to avoiding.

Things I will miss:
Spending my days with couture
Being walking distance from Urth Caffe
The fantastic lemonade at Le Pain Quotidean
The girls I work with
The events I worked
The celebrities and stylists I met
The experience
Being so close to my favorite stores and bakeries

Things I won't miss:
Fixing the jewelry cases
Carrying the garment bags containing couture (it's heavy!)
Organizing boxes-- shipping boxes
Buying lunch (I need to save money bad!)
The extra calories from eating lunch
Not being able to workout

All in all it was a wonderful summer and I'm sad to see it end. But if all goes well I'll be back in the spring, just in times for awards season!

Ever wonder what Sex and The City would have been like if the girls were in college and lived in LA? Probably a lot like my friends and I. THe clubs get replaced by cheap mexican places with strong margaritas and the topic of conversation stays pretty much the same.

I've been making a point of not talking about relationships and guys on here, but that strays far from the inspiration from the name of it so I guess it's time to cave.

I have a question. And it's kind of a big one.

When it did become surprising when guys don't cheat?

You see, I've known quite a few, from the ones who always have, to the ones you never expect would and so it's come to be my assumption that a guy is willing. How horrible is that? It's not even the celebrity scandels that are forming my opinion, but my own experiences.

So when an old friend came back into my life recently I was shocked when he said he has never and could never cheat on his girl. What has society come to that that surprises me?! That's how it should be and yet I literally did not know how to handle the remarks.

I have to say it does give me hope, but still I'm a little in shock and a little sad that it's so surprising to hear.

An Affair

I never thought I would cheat on my lover. Sure I'd flirted from time to time, but it never went any where. However, on Wedensday I started a full fledged affair.

Lover, I am so sorry that I strayed. But I need to be honest, it was not a one time thing. This will be a habitual offense. But I promise there is enough room in my stomach and my heart for both of you.

I'm a Sprinkles Cupcakes girl. I always have been, and I always will be. But there is a new bakery in town. An east coast transplant just like me. And Magnolia Bakery has made a play for my heart with their chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting. The vanilla cake was bland, and the chocolate frosting was too bitter, but thereverse was pure perfection.

Sprinkles I will always love you for your fruit desserts. Your lemon is without equal, and whatever you do for to make your strawberry frosting, I appreciate this. But when I'm craving my chocolate fix, I will be dropping by 3rd Street.

I was informed recently that I am nesting. It wasn't said quite so sweetly, but I can understand why my dear friend would suggest it.

I have an intense desire to cook non-stop these days. The fact that my oven isn't working is hindering my ability to bake, but my waistline is probably thankful. And it isn't just dessert that I am looking for, although these could be amazing. I've been looking at summer salads and fruit infused drinks. It's all getting a little excessive.

Maybe I'm longing for the time to just get lost in a few good recipes like I have in summers past. Growing up in New England we would have rainy summer days that were perfect for cooking. However SoCal does not have those days, and even if it did I do not currently have the luxury of time to take advantage of them.

I do look forward to dinners in my new place with friends and themed movie nights once I finish unpacking. Hopefully I will be settled soon, and have that oven, since I am dying to make these cupcakes.

Pretty sure I haven't had a blog in about 5 years, and even that was because someone set it up for me. Stephcapades! will be a learning experience for me, but it can only get better with time, so bear with me.

As for content, I'm not entirely sure where this is going. I'm leaning towards general lifestyle content, fashion, food, books, movies, interior design, maybe a touch of relationships and sex thrown in when I'm bored. Stephacapades! is an ever evolving project, you never know what you will find.

As for what Stephcapades means, it is the name for some of my antics given by a dear friend/ former/sometimes roommate.

Since most of the last few days, and the ones coming up have been or will be consumed with my moving it makes sense that interior design has been on my mind lately. While in Crate & Barrel over the weekend I found the most amazing catch-all bowl. And while I didn't buy it (I could just see it ending up in pieces after a long night) I do have to share:

If you love it too, and have $70 to spend on the coolest bowl I have ever seen, check it out here

I'm still questing for a jewlery box or a small prettty box for storage, but it has to have a cover. Any suggestions?