Second Chances

I have a habit of giving people a second chance after things go badly. I usually know it will end just as bad the second time around, but I do it anyway.

There is an exception- one thing that guarentees you will never get another chance to be apart of my life. Once you break my trust you never get back into my life. I've always been upfront about that and those in my life know that. Yet here I am, trying to figure out how to tell someone this gently.

I have touched on a battle that happened this past fall, and while I have been on "friendly" terms with one of the girls, we are by no means friends nor are we ever going to be. The girl looked me in the eye and lied to me. That doesn't fly with me. But Saturday night she tells me she "misses me."

My thought, good for her. That's why you don't fuck over people in your life. That's why you don't lie to people. That's why you don't turn groups of friends against someone.

I will never let her in, never trust her, never be her friend. How can I have a friendship with someone when I'd constantly have to wonder what she's saying behind my back, when she will turn on me, what she is going to do with the information I tell her. That's not the kind of relationship I want in my life.

I don't do fake, I only do real friendships with real friends. So not matter how much she misses what we were, we're never going back there.

New Years Resolutions

I don't believe in New Years Resolutions. No one ever follows through with them, as examplified by all those people who show up at my gim for two weeks taking up space and machines and then diappear. Resolutions are more of an annoyance than anything.

But I do believe in looking back and analyzing the year. I can split my year into two periods, before and after "the fight." I've mentioned it before, and I don't feel like rehashing it again, but it was a defining moment. But right now, despite of that, I'm in a good place. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and I'm looking forward to what's next.

I've worked hard to get myself in this place, and I am looking forward to seeing where this year takes me. If 2010 is any indication, 2011 will be an interesting ride, but this time I'm driving.