It's Going to Be Okay

Last week was without question one of teh most tramatic I have ever experienced.

It was one of those weeks that puts things into perspective. Yeah, school is stressful and life after graduation is scary. But when you get woken up at 2am by your best friend telling you a former co-worker may never walk again, those things seem so petty. Not helping was my own health scare (I'm fine, thanks for asking). And then finding out an old friend's cancer has come back, and a relative passed away. And my ex just happened to appear at a football game (40,000 people and I can pick him out of a crowd). And did I mention school?

Yeah, these next few weeks are going to suck. But I have a reminder that things can always be worse.

29.What other people think of you is none of your business.

I'm in bed sick, and I'm kind of bummed I had to cancel my run yesterday. But it has given me a chance to reflect on something that has been bothering me for almost a week.

I've mentioned that group of girls I used to be friends with before. It's been almost a year since the blow up and I've been happily living my life without them. Circumstances beyond my control have brought them back into my life, or at least the fringes of it. I have been polite and civil, nothing more, nothing less. But being that they think this is high school have decided to try and start drama.

Labor Day weekend one of them apparently told my friends roommate that I am anorexic. And I developed this ED while and because I worked at Hooters -- I apparently was one of the biggest girls there (which is why I wore the crop top right?). And they heard this from my best guy friend-- the one with whom I forged a relationship based on food and alcohol. Nothing in this lie makes sense.

I eat. A lot. And I love it. I had no body image issues before during or after my stint as a Hooters Girl. Sure I'm not perfect but I'm happy with my body, I work hard for it.

They aren't the first people to call me anorexic, and that by itself doesn't bother me. But if you're going to spread lies like this--own up to starting them yourself.

And if you're aiming to hurt me I might suggest trying a little harder-- because insecure girls with issues with food and body image calling me anorexic doesn't make me self conscious, it makes me laugh. And makes me inclined to laugh at you and get other people to laugh at you when I tell them.

No One Said It Was Going to be Easy

So you think running is too hard?

Yeah that cramp during the first mile hurts.

And sucks when you get to the half way point and have to keep going.

And that last mile hurts.

And your shins are screaming at you, begging you to stop.

And you start wheezing with a lap left to go.

And you're not cute when you're bright red.

And walking across campus after drenched in sweat is gross.

But that's assuming you can walk and your hips aren't making you hunch over in pain

The ice cups are cold and wet and hurt.

The stretching hurts.

So yeah- running is hard and it hurts, but you know what hurts more?

Not being able to run, not pushing your body, nbot finishing, not knowing that you can do it. So what's harder running or failing?

Catching Up

I've been slacking on my running quite a bit this summer. My shins have been bothering me and my runs have been really uninspired. But a few weeks ago it hit me that my race was just two months away so I knew it was time to step it up.

Road runs weren't doing it for me and I wanted to be a little gentler on my body. So after a trip to the Nike store for new shoes (Free 2.0s!) I've been hitting the track. I know most people think running in circles is dull, but I find it kind of relaxing. Must be all those years of staring at a black line when I was swimming.

I'm not good at easing back into things though- so after a couple weeks off I jumped right in to a 3.25 mile straights and corners workout. And I felt so accomplished. And then I could barley walk the next few day-- which wouldn't be too bad if I wasn't waitressing 6 days straight.

But I got through it. And then a 1.75 miler (cut short when they closed the track for football camp) on Saturday (post Katy Perry concert) and 3.25 this morning. I'm running the straights and walking the corners but I'm making the running portion a little longer each time. I should be ready for the race- I hope.

I've been keeping up with my stregth workouts and feeling pretty good. Now if I can get the rest of my life together I'll be in good shape.

Goals

So I've been slowly training for this 5K of mine for a while now, and it's been just dandy. But I haven't really had a goal beyond finishing the damn thing. Well, today I found it. I am determined to beat Pippa Middleton. She ran a 5K recently in 25:30. I am going to beat her.

I may be insane but if there is one thing I have learned it is that I can meat some pretty insane goals if I push myself. 13 years in competitve swimming has to be good for something.

I'm also trying out running in different shoes to see if that will help with my shin splints on the recommendation of an avid runner I met at Disneyland. Yeah I've somehow become one of those people who can befriend people anywhere. I blame my jobs.

In other news I just moved, and keeping with the running theme it has made my routes much easier to track. Yay for large landmarks being closer to me.

And for those of you looking to join me in beating the royal bridesmaid here's her running her 5K:

She nearly ran into the topless guy. The pictures are pretty funny.

Summertime

I know I've been MIA. I'm sorry.

Final projects and exams hae consumed my life as of late. And with that came good workouts and bad eating.

But I'm back on track with new motivation. I have maintained the 10lbs I've lost but I'm kind of wondering if I can lose another 5.

I really want to start cooking with fresh local produce-- I need to find a good farmers market. I'm hoping I can start going on weekend hikes followed by trips to the market. That sounds like heaven.

As for the new motivation-- I have a new job. At the moment it's my second job but we'll see how long the first one lasts. It requires me to be in fantastic shape and while I'm quite happy with my body it does inspire me to work out a bit more and to watch what I eat.

This blog may change a bit form being about my workouts to the new job. I'll have to see how that goes once the restaurant opens in a couple of months.

Fail

I know, I've been an failure on updating this lately. In fairness it's only going to get worse in the next few weeks as the semester wraps up. This week was not my healthiest. I got sick- which I'm blaming on either the belated birthday cake made by my sick friend or work. I did however manage to keep my workouts going. But I ate like shit and it shows. I feel soft and slow. I know better but when nothing tastes good it's just so much easier to pick up Panda after class. I'm determined to get back on track now though. But my runnning is going to have to wait a week. My shin splints are acting up and my current plan is to rest them for a week and then tape them on future runs. I'm hoping this will really help because having to stop every few weeks is getting annoying. I'm going to do a pretty intense yoga workout on Monday and Friday to make up for it and I'll pick a different cardio activity on Wednesday. I hate when my weeks fall apart like this and I know better than to eat like that, but when I get sick I give myself permission to eat whatever I want and have no ambition to cook. It's a nasty cycle.

Where oh where have I been?

These last two weeks have been a bit crazy for me. Last week was Spring Break and this week was my 21st birthday (woohoo!). So my diet hasn't been the greatest and my workouts haven't been quite as stellar, but anything is better than nothing. Spring break was wonderful, I had tiem to get errands done, do some shopping, and go to Vegas with friends. Such a great week. Obviously road tripping isn't the healthly of things but sometimes you have to splurge. As for this week- well my lack of sleep got the better of me. I made up my mind that I was going to get an iPad2 and that meant camping out for it- not once, but twice. I know have a bit more compassion for the homeless of Los Angeles- those sidewalks are uncomfortable! But I have my baby and he's so fun. I'm still looking for apps if anyone has suggestions. BUt that wiped out a workout and kind of killed my diet. Then add in a night of drinking and possibly middle of the night food(?), and calories went out the window. Hungover does not make for a good run either. On the birght side I did invest in a yoga mat this weekend and I've already done a full 50 minute workout. My body has just been too sore and stiff to not add in the streching benefits of yoga. Thank goodness for Netflix steaming- I can do it without leaving my house!

Week in Review

The week before Spring Break always looks so calm the Sunday before but when you get into it it gets crazy.

Being in bed sick all last weekend killed me, I got just about nothing done,but I was determined to get back on track during the week.

Monday I got my run in. But I also was starving at work and caved and had a cupcake. I don't care what people say fashion will make you fat. And then I rushed home to get ready to go to the Kings game. Where I had McDonalds and a margarita. So much for fried food and never drinking again.

Tuesday was solid, good workout and even though I can't quite remember what I had to eat I assume it was good.

Wednesday was a so-so. I skipped the run portion of my workout due to time constraints- midterms, research studies, internship applications, reading assignments and work will kill you- but still a good strength workout. And I ate well- avacado pasta after work.

Thursday I skipped my workout, I was just too drained. But I ate well so that's a plus.

Friday's run turned into mostly a walk because my ankle was bothering me, but at least it was something. As for food, well, there was Del Taco for dinner- but no cheese- that's something right? And my girl scout cookies arrived along with a dozen Reese's Eggs. You can guess what I've been eating all weekend.

So not the greatest week for me. But I did hit 145lbs!!! Yay me! And there's always today to improve.

Sometimes A Girl Needs to Be Taken Care Of

I am currently in bed with a stomach bug and a fever. And here I thought it was a hangover.

The good news is I had a solid week of workouts and am one pound away from my goal weight. Still a long way to go with the running goal, but I'm getting there. And my shin splints seem to be improving. KT Tape may be created by the gods.

But back to today. I may have partied a little too hard last night. But it was in celebration of- well nothing actually. It's just been a long few weeks and I needed to go out. And I went all out. When I woke up this morning my purse was MIA. My purse with my house keys, debit card, and license. So after freaking out, tearing my friends house apart, waking up some unsuspecting randoms, and crying on the phone to my mom- I found it. After paying almost $8 for new house keys I went back to my friends house. I reasoned that there is no way I made it home with my phone but not my purse. And sure enough it was there- under the piano- in a box.

So I had to uncancel a canceled card. Good thing my bank is closed on Saturdays. And I had to do damage control. It stands to reason that if your phone is going to randomly call someone at 1:30a.m. it's going to be someone it shouldn't. And when you send the apology text you get a really confused response. Because apparently your phone makes random calls that don't go through. Good times.

And then my hangover kicked in. And it wouldn't go away. So I called my mom again to ask if calling out of work on the grounds of a hangover was allowed. And as I'm telling her what was wrong it occured to me that I was very warm. And sick to my stomach. And it wasn't a hangover.

So here I am- in bed- starving - since all I've eaten is saltines but I'm both afraid and too tired to get out of bed to get food.

Isn't life grand?

At least I got a full day off out of the deal. -- my something good for today.

Bonus Workout

My weekly workout schedule generally goes like this:
Monday morning run
Tuesday afternoon swim
Wednesday morning running and strength training
Thursday cardio (usually stationary bike) and stregth
Friday run
Weekend free for all

But since I am so used to getting up early I wake up early enough to add in things like a Tuesday stregth workout and I technically have time for a Thursday afternoon swim. If those happen it's like a little gold star for the week.

This morning I got up and headed on in to my gym and got through a 40minute workout. But here's the thing, I shouldn't be working out at all right now.

I pulled my left tricep yesterday carrying garment bags at work and the only position it doesn't hurt in is folded across my torso. I should probably get a sling but that seems like such a pain. So instead I just look like a idiot walking around with my arm all bent up. Normal people would take a break and let it rest. But nope, I can't handle that.

I think it goes back to all the years I spent swimming. I can't count the number of times my ankle was swollen and I still hit every wall. Or how many times I broke my finger yet never missed a stroke. Injuries happened all the time- but when I was working towards something taking time to rest a pulled muscle wasn't an option. Everyone has heard stories of people training with a broken foot or what have you, that stuff happens. I had a fractured wrist that wasn't healed when my season started- still swam. You make adjustments to the exercises but I never stopped. And this little pull isn't any different. Although I might have to see a doctor just for some pain killers.

Fun, non-running related fact about me. I work at a restaurant and bar in downtown LA. Why am I telling you this? Because I had planned to do a post about how shitty the place can be and the horrible customers and how this weekend was one of the worst on record because of the NBA All Star Weekend right next door.

But I just can't today. Yes there are days I comepletly HATE the place. And I almost quit about a month ago because I was overlooked for a promotion I deserved. And we have a tendency to get the less than pleasant or classy customers. But then sometimes amist all the crazyness and the yelling and the having no idea what is goig on, something good happens.

Something like an apology raise that I didn't ask for. Or spending a crazy night like tonight (we hit capaticy and had a line wrapping around the building) with good friends. And having the managers supply us with shirts since not all of us are NBA fans Or getting my favorite athletes- real athletes- Olympic swimmers to walk in the door thanks to twitter. Yeah, it's nights like this that make all the yelling, all the bullshit, all the drama totally worth it.

Also, being closed for the All Star Game. That makes me extra happy.

Back on Track

The second I get sick my routine goes out the window, so these last few days have been a nice return to my workout and heathly eating plan.



I spent about a week and a half fighting a nasty cold I seem to get every year like clock work. And with that came the idea that since nothing tasted good I might as well cave and have that fast food burger I was craving. Or that giant buritto from Chipotle, or 5 bottles of apple juice during my 6 hour shift at work (don't judge all that sugar was the only thing making it possible for me to talk).

And then I got it together. I stated running again, and swimming, and lifting, and running some more. And damn it feels good. And I've even been pretty good about the eating thing.

I say pretty good because well, I'm a college kid. And I work at a sports bar. And I drink. And let me tell you something- nothing tastes better when you are hungover than a greasy fast food burger. And it was the only way I was convincing myself to go to class. But I went, and I ate. And then I went to another class and went to Chipotle. So there are bad days.

But even with those bad days, I'm down another pound and finally added to my mileage this week.

Sunshine and Happiness

I'm not the most cheerful person- I wouldn't say pessimist, but definatly a realist. So this whole, happy outlook on life thing and not complaining all the time is taking a little getting used to. But I'm enjoying it.

I went through hell last fall, and it taught me a lot. Hands down the most important thing I learned was that dwelling on it won't make it go away. Being mad and angry isn't going to help you get through things, it just makes it harder to move on. And slowly but surely I've let go. I haven't forgotten and I'm not going back to any of the people involved in the various incidents but I'm not angry anymore.

I'm in a good place in my life. I'm in a city I love, going to the greatest school in the world, with amazing friends (both in and out of school), a fantastic internship and a job. Looking at these things I don't really have anything to complain about. I think I lose track of that sometimes. Sure it sucks I don't really get time off and I'm super busy- but I'm having fun.

I'm trying to live by this lovely quote:

EVERYDAY MAY NOT BE GOOD, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING GOOD IN EVERYDAY

And So It Begins

I am not a runner. Hate it, completely hate it. It's somehting that should only be done when your life is in danger.

And yet I find myself running three days a week. And I've agreed to run a 5K in the fall. I don't know what happened. You want me to swim those 3.1 miles, sure, fine, no problem. But run them? Uhh, no thanks.

My mother is bribing me with a trip to Disney World, and puffed french toast (deep fried french toast rolled in cinnamon and sugar-- next time your at WWD have breakfast at the Crystal Palace it's amazing) and the Food and Wine Festival (finally legal!). In return I have to run a 5K with her. So here I am running, a fair amount actually. I'm giving myself lots of time to train, so I can build endurance and speed.

You see, I'm to competitive for my own good. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to not suck. So here I am, spending my money on nice running shoes- too many years of swimming has worn down my body- and other spiffy Nike gear. You see I figure if I'm doing this it's an excuse for new workout clothes, and I love my Nike stuff. So I've bought more than I could possibly need.

And what I didn't expect is I don't hate it. In fact, sometimes I WANT to go for a run. And I like what it's been doing for my body. I'm under 150lbs for the first time in a few years, and I'm quite happy about it. And I'm not the only one noticing- I had a friend ask if I had stopped eating because I looked so much skinnier than the last time he saw me before Christmas.

So for the next few months I'll be using this blog to chart my progress, both with the runs and with my intentions of healthy eating. Welcome to my journey.

Second Chances

I have a habit of giving people a second chance after things go badly. I usually know it will end just as bad the second time around, but I do it anyway.

There is an exception- one thing that guarentees you will never get another chance to be apart of my life. Once you break my trust you never get back into my life. I've always been upfront about that and those in my life know that. Yet here I am, trying to figure out how to tell someone this gently.

I have touched on a battle that happened this past fall, and while I have been on "friendly" terms with one of the girls, we are by no means friends nor are we ever going to be. The girl looked me in the eye and lied to me. That doesn't fly with me. But Saturday night she tells me she "misses me."

My thought, good for her. That's why you don't fuck over people in your life. That's why you don't lie to people. That's why you don't turn groups of friends against someone.

I will never let her in, never trust her, never be her friend. How can I have a friendship with someone when I'd constantly have to wonder what she's saying behind my back, when she will turn on me, what she is going to do with the information I tell her. That's not the kind of relationship I want in my life.

I don't do fake, I only do real friendships with real friends. So not matter how much she misses what we were, we're never going back there.

New Years Resolutions

I don't believe in New Years Resolutions. No one ever follows through with them, as examplified by all those people who show up at my gim for two weeks taking up space and machines and then diappear. Resolutions are more of an annoyance than anything.

But I do believe in looking back and analyzing the year. I can split my year into two periods, before and after "the fight." I've mentioned it before, and I don't feel like rehashing it again, but it was a defining moment. But right now, despite of that, I'm in a good place. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and I'm looking forward to what's next.

I've worked hard to get myself in this place, and I am looking forward to seeing where this year takes me. If 2010 is any indication, 2011 will be an interesting ride, but this time I'm driving.